Flashbacks be really making me feel like I still got it...no really though...

He wasn't the best choice for me. One I had gotten constant warning about, and everyone had a comment. From the adult staff down to my very closest friends, no one wanted me with Buggzy...yet I gave him a chance. And he hurt me as deep as a 15 year old could get hurt. It's been four years and he's back. Like a blink of the eye, a dream filled sleep, I woke up and he called me. As if four years never passed he called me boo and baby. Says he's my number 1 fan....he, he "loves" me. And I'm supposed to just spread my arms and legs wide enough for him to squeeze back into my life? I don't know where this will go. My number's still the same and no I won't change it and no I can't just ignore his calls. Coming home always makes me nervous....


I wrote a poem about him. I thought he was so different....I thought that maybe after getting my heart broken, torn into pieces, that a rebound shot from a chick who can't play basketball would be nothing but net...and he was nothing but regret. He hit me up on aim. And I had that flash of shock that only sidekicks could give you when the screen name pops up in the corner of your screen: Ducky. We didn't neccessarily end on bad terms but it surely wasn't good. I definitely don't have fond memories nor did I ever envision myself entertaining conversations with him....goodness gracious do I really still got it like that?


And Danger. Oh the warning signs are up all around me highlighted and magnified yet I'm still entertaining conversation with Danger. Three of four years have passed what am I doing with this man? Why are we still speaking? I will never be with him...I will never like him...I don't love him, love? Oh please don't even speak that word to me...but I indulge in his phone calls and visits.

I'm not too afraid to be alone...I'm just too afraid to be lonely.