Light skin dudes are learning and B.A.N.'s are stepping their game up....

In my life of shootouts between aliens and bloods much has happened. My sunshine and I had a falling out of which could have remained that way but for my need of closure and sense of conclusion, he's back. We both have an understanding of what went wrong with the miscommunication and have resolved (again) to be friends and take it slow. The way things should go. I know myself. I know that if I want a substantial long term relationship time needs to be a crucial factor in order for my mate to realize, understand, and mesh my personality with his. It's all about compromise but I refuse to continue to compromise who I am for men who won't do the same. I'll tell you a secret though, I'm glad he's back...shhhh :)

There's another guy. A B.A.N. He doesn't really merit a paragraph, not event the short one I'm going to give him but he's intertwined his way into my dealings and everyday thoughts in a way that gives himself way too much credit. He had nerve to chop 'n' screw my bestie and think he has the upper hand on me....

Who do you think you are?

Mr. Big Stuff?

You're never gonna get my loooove!

End of story cause I could go in...no I mean really though I be going in! lol

Them B.A.N.'s....stepping their game UP! (or at least trying to in the above mentioned B.A.N.) For those of you who don't know what a B.A.N. is please reference David Banner.

There was to be a spontaneous yet planned trip to West Bubble this weekend but when B.A.N.'s step too far out of the little circle they must get shut down. All in all I should have an interesting weekend...I hope...we'll see...I am back in school after all...

As for the light skin dudes out there.....where have you been taking classes and who's been teaching you? I need to have a word with them! How dare you do the only thing your good for and then try to put in that extra lil' something something? *snicker* Oh I would go in but this here Blogger thing is so public. I will not be the first person to have her Blogger censored!

Until Monday! Brooklyn has me for now!

"Promise me this...don't tell nobody...I can't get in that car man, I stink..."

I don't like the way I live my life. The bestie pointed out that my blogs have begun to be about a boy...that boy. And tonight's blog could've been about him too. I invited him to share in an experience with me and he forgot. He didn't attend. It was still an experience in itself.

Real Poetry is the monthly open mic that I've been attending since age 15. It's hosted by Christopher Slaughter and attended by famous and famous by word of mouth underground poets, people, and more of the like. "Tonight was special" Slaughter said.

After a great show, most of which I missed, and an interesting boule session afterwards, a young man approached Slaughter on the side. He spoke of his crack addicted mother who was presently shooting up. He spoke of how hungry he was, he hadn't eaten in two days. He spoke of how much he stunk...he couldn't get in a car full of women. He spoke of how all he wanted was to reach his grandmother uptown. And Slaughter in all his glory anfd generosity just wanted to help him. He did. Placed him in a cab with 10 dollars in his pocket, a new phone number in his hand, and hope in his heart. Damn this thing called life.

And now with a question from Slaughter directed towards my walk, I'm in the back seat of his car wondering if I'm going through Round 2 of something I never wanted to happen unplanned again.

And it's not that I'm careless..or unthoughtful. I'm calm because it happened before. I should know the signs, I think I would know the signs.....

I must exert my will power. I don't have any...and I'm tired of going back on my word to myself. No longer...

There's a routine...and it's only been 2 weeks.

I get bored easily. Call it a stipulation of being an only child, but I was never able to keep my thoughts or attention on one thing for too long. I've always been sporadic and spontaneous living life randomly so routines were never it for me. I could only handle the routine of school because it was neccessary....only the routine of chores because mama was the big dog of the house. The only things I could control not having a routine in were my relationships.

And oh the joy! Oh the excitement in switching 'em up every two months. In randomly having adventures, making jokes about them, and kicking 'em to the curb. i have yet to find a man who could keep me on my toes. Who is one step ahead of me and keeps the relationship exciting.

And already it has been just around two weeks and i have a routine. It just fell into place. I don't like it, I don't. I'm slightly claustrophobic...routines especially in relationships make me feel trapped and boxed in, hence why I always have to find an escape and get out of it...run away...chop 'em off...buk! buk! (insider :) )

SIGH... luckily this one is different. He realizes there's a routine and we both don't like it. It has got to change. Idealists are not to conform to the norm.....we're only realists when we wanna be...

"I've been falling in love with you since the first day we met..."

I slept with sunshine in my bed last night. He was warm, he was cuddly, and he watched me peacefully as I slumbered with him in my dreams. He wrapped his rays around my waist, and his aura shined through the darkness...

I believe in gender roles to a certain extent. In the idea that in a relationship women should act as women and men should act as men. I know that sounds a little 1920ish but in no way do I mean there needs to be an inferior/superior complex. Those words are negative. I believe in a submissive/dominant complex. In finding the two-spirit in all of us and knowing when as a woman we should be dominant or submissive and when as a man we should be dominant or submissive.

I want a MAN in my life. That's hard for me to explain. I mean a MAN in the sense that he is strong and caring. Someone who has a Plan A and strives for it undoubtedly and if he does not reach that Plan A he has his Plan B. I want a MAN in that he thinks about his woman and knows her moods. When she isn't herself but is putting on a front, when she just needs to be rubbed, when she's sending out the signal for sex...I want to feel secure underneath my MAN's arm close to his heart and encased by his rib.

There's a man in my life now. I'm enjoying getting to know him and discovering things about him. I know that there is so much I can give to him, so many ways in which I can support him but after a convo with the bestie I'm wondering if there is a life he can integrate me into. What does he enjoy doing? Who are his friends? What can he teach me? A friendship should be reciprocative. So should a relationship. The beauty about life is that there is so much time to explore these things.

He's new and he's exciting. I'm new and I'm exciting. This should be fun...

Nighttime before 3 am? Holla!

Will I ever get any sleep?

I like my life. It's hard and I struggle a lot, wish to cry a lot and laugh even more. I love my besties. We had our version of the sister circle/slumber party a day ago and it was evidence of al the reasons why I need them in my life. They are truthful and caring. Loyal and real. I couldn't find better best friends. I honestly believe that there is no other group of friends who have a relationship like ours. They are my rock.

As you know I've been feeling really great about 2009. I felt that I've come through the darkness that was 2008 and emerged into the light. But it always gets worse before it gets better. Some of my actions have been not only hurtful to myself but hurtful to the people I care about and love because I trust easily. It is the fifth day of a new year and already pain has entered my life.

It will not deter me from my goals. I'm okay with solitude. I have my best friends. I have those who know me and know that the relationship I have with them is pure. I'll do my best to salvage relationships and save people's feelings but its 2009.....ain't no time for that sad shit.

Let's see how this week goes. I have an internship orientation on Thursday. Wish me luck.