Purple Ipods and a room of Valentines....
ehhh valentine's day. coming to new paltz i've met "conscious" black men who tell me over and over again what the REAL meaning behind valentine's day. it enlightened me but it doesn't affect me because i don't celebrate valentine's day anyway lol im in a room with the music jonesing....a pair of valentine's (myself included hehehe) and friends....its nice to be surrounded by a variety of people that i bond with. they cool.....
kinda anxious about this program tomorrow. alot of the paperwork has been stressful and i can not wait until i get new sorors geesh.... it should be a good program though...hopefully...i dont wanna go to the party after but the peoples are tryna to persuade me. we'll see how it goes, im not really down with the rink tink tink if ya know what i mean...
soooo......im feeling more of my two spirit everyday. wanting to find me a nice young lady to settle down with. i always believed that bisexual people used that term as an excuse because they're afraid to accept that they're gay or straight lol....yea that was me.....i know one day i'll choose a road and travel it. im feeling it coming.
how could you not know? i say men ain't shit everyday all day~ lol
pause the ipod and cut the tv on....its thursday after 9.
p.s. happy birthday shaina. i hope the present you're giving yourself reaps you a bountiful harvest
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
A sedimentary rock....my second or third favorite....
Let's go way back way way back....and member that boy? The one who became the focal point of my blogs? The one who my bestie warned me not to write so much about? Well yea he helped prove my theory that men ain't shit. Now i don't mean this in a negative derogatory way because I do love men and I know that there are just as much women out there who ain't shit (myself included). What I mean when I say men ain't shit is that old timers joke ya know? When your grandad is sitting out on the porch in his rocker talking to his longtime home skillet and his home skillet says something like,
"Man if I was younger I'd tap these youngins out here but good...(hearty laugh)
and you grandad goes...
"Nigga, you ain't shit....(chuckle chuckle)"
That's what I mean. I learned a long time ago not to put men on a pedestal just because they claim to be my complementary spirit. At the end of the day men are just men, not a God, not my savior, not my happiness, not my be all end all...but just...a man. And the recent one hurt me. Not bad, I can get over it. It takes too much time and energy for me to put my emotions into someone so as much as he thinks he got of me, truthfully he got nothing. In my mind whatever we were experiencing with each other has ended and there is no reason for us to still be in communication, but he contacts me....for no reason other than to "get a rise out of me". That makes me angry...very angry. He used me as a rebound, a seat warmer until he and his ex decided to reconcile and he's using me...for what I don't know. I can be so mean, but I'm not that person. If he's reading this....take this as a declaration. We need not speak anymore.
Elsewhere in the vast corners of my life....I had a charming blast from the past. Sometimes I think about him when I scroll past his name in my phonebook or look at his picture on my wall or remember the good ol' days when I was 15/16. He called me yesterday. Clean shaven, deep voiced and army trained. Married with a walking, talking daughter and one on the way that should have been born by now according to the last time we spoke (which was a while ago). He's back from California to Texas enjoying the warm weather while I'm fighting to keep my fingers as I raise them to my lips for a Black & Mild. It's nice that he thought of me. Nice that he called and both of our numbers are still the same. He's the only Cappy I think I can ever tolerate enough to love and I miss him from time to time. Lord keep him safe in Iraq...
I've still been really enjoying the company of Me, Myself, and I. Whenever they come over we have a grand old time. This solitude ish is really nice. More on that later but my stomach is grumbling heavily..okay okay Sugar Smacks here I come....damn that's ghetto. The actual name is Honey Smacks but I been calling them Sugar Smacks for years...smh
TaTaFaNow
Let's go way back way way back....and member that boy? The one who became the focal point of my blogs? The one who my bestie warned me not to write so much about? Well yea he helped prove my theory that men ain't shit. Now i don't mean this in a negative derogatory way because I do love men and I know that there are just as much women out there who ain't shit (myself included). What I mean when I say men ain't shit is that old timers joke ya know? When your grandad is sitting out on the porch in his rocker talking to his longtime home skillet and his home skillet says something like,
"Man if I was younger I'd tap these youngins out here but good...(hearty laugh)
and you grandad goes...
"Nigga, you ain't shit....(chuckle chuckle)"
That's what I mean. I learned a long time ago not to put men on a pedestal just because they claim to be my complementary spirit. At the end of the day men are just men, not a God, not my savior, not my happiness, not my be all end all...but just...a man. And the recent one hurt me. Not bad, I can get over it. It takes too much time and energy for me to put my emotions into someone so as much as he thinks he got of me, truthfully he got nothing. In my mind whatever we were experiencing with each other has ended and there is no reason for us to still be in communication, but he contacts me....for no reason other than to "get a rise out of me". That makes me angry...very angry. He used me as a rebound, a seat warmer until he and his ex decided to reconcile and he's using me...for what I don't know. I can be so mean, but I'm not that person. If he's reading this....take this as a declaration. We need not speak anymore.
Elsewhere in the vast corners of my life....I had a charming blast from the past. Sometimes I think about him when I scroll past his name in my phonebook or look at his picture on my wall or remember the good ol' days when I was 15/16. He called me yesterday. Clean shaven, deep voiced and army trained. Married with a walking, talking daughter and one on the way that should have been born by now according to the last time we spoke (which was a while ago). He's back from California to Texas enjoying the warm weather while I'm fighting to keep my fingers as I raise them to my lips for a Black & Mild. It's nice that he thought of me. Nice that he called and both of our numbers are still the same. He's the only Cappy I think I can ever tolerate enough to love and I miss him from time to time. Lord keep him safe in Iraq...
I've still been really enjoying the company of Me, Myself, and I. Whenever they come over we have a grand old time. This solitude ish is really nice. More on that later but my stomach is grumbling heavily..okay okay Sugar Smacks here I come....damn that's ghetto. The actual name is Honey Smacks but I been calling them Sugar Smacks for years...smh
TaTaFaNow
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