bye, bye, birdee...

I know people change but I hate we've changed.
And its killing me trying to figure out where we are.
Cause it aint the same, girl I'll take the blame.
And I'm willing to take this chance that you feel we've traveled too far.
Lord knows I wanna keep you, life without you I just can't see it.
But sometimes you gotta let love be what it's gonna be.
(Ooh oh)

I'ma let you fly and pray you come back to me cause I do believe.
If I let you fly then you fly back, then it was meant to be.
So fly, fly, fly, fly.

Yes people, I needed to play a song when I let twitter go, again lol. I don't necessarily like this song. I was only put on to it after it played on my ipod and the ex-roomie fell in love with it, but I love music therapy, and yes, it does hold true for many situations. After last blog, I called my angels in human form on speed dial and they threw some sense my way. Made me realize that I'd been constantly changing my personality and adapting it to fit others around me. Now, what happens when you aren't true to yourself? DRAMA!! So I let Twitter fly away in hopes that once I gain myself back, if it was meant to be, I'll surface the skies again.

I have traveled too far. Too far with myself to try and change her, and fit her into ideas of who she should be. I go up and down with my confidence and security so I've been trying to push myself to go to the gym, but after my program yesterday, I think I look damn good. And many of the attendees did as well. I think instead of giving myself limitations, boundaries, and rules, I'm going to start supporting myself more. Giving myself encouragement NOT to lose weight but to GET fit...

"ayo Ty, you look really good today. Good choice getting that water instead of Tropicana Lemonade."

"oww, I see you over there with the spinach and broccoli, geeeet it!!"

Because I am a healthy poor eater. I like vegetables, and water, exercising, and trying vegan/vegetarianism. I'm into fasting and body cleansing, being smart about my health and trying the baked goods.....what I'm not into is feeling bad about my eating habits, or feeling bad about my weight. I have a beautiful relationship with food. It loves me and I definitely love it!!

Diet?
Take that, take that!

Of course there are deeper subliminal reasons for my leaving twitter. It has caused me to feel abundantly guilty, stalkerish, insecure, and stressed. Why? It's just entertainment. But I know who I am (aren't yall tired of me saying that?) and I know that with my emotional and passionate ass, I can't have access to everyone's daily updates of their mundane lives. I feed into it, become it, adopt it as my own, and try with all my might to "fix" it. There's a saying: "if it ain't broke, don't break it". I realize that other people's lives might be just fine for them. I need not come in and try to be mama and save the day. Things may not need fixing...sigh...an issue I am trying so hard to work on. I swear.

But yes, I am still afraid of my shadow, of the echoing thoughts inside a calm mind, of the phone call to my cell from the angels...and yes I still run. It is second nature. I realized earlier today that if I'm unable to run I start tweaking. Like on some real feeling claustrophobic I need to get the hell out of here type of tweaking. I always give in to myself. Always allow myself to run...because, haven't we gone over this before? If no authority can tame me, why would I give myself boundaries? Why would I tell myself no?

So, I cut off my wings. In an effort to anchor myself into reality, I back away from an intangible idea of webspace...and it's working, for as long as I tell myself it is.